Filed under: Baby Butterfly
Sitting in that sterile and somber NICU room with nothing but the sound of machines breathing for my baby and the scuffle of nurses feet as they moved through the halls, time seemed to stand still. Those moments feel so fresh, and these new memories so bittersweet. All of it, so dreamlike. From first feedings to the first day of preschool, this mama is thanking God for every single scary and sweet moment of this miracle baby’s journey.
Filed under: Baby Butterfly
In my last post, I mentioned that I was running on two hours of sleep. Jimmy and I had both been operating on fumes for the past few weeks. Aubri was getting about two to four hours of consecutive sleep each night, so one or both of us was up with her rocking her, patting her, shushing her, changing her, basically doing anything possible to get her back to sleep. To no avail.
Obviously, all babies are not made the same. Because we had Taylor’s sleep pattern mastered very early on. She was by-the-book with her eating, sleeping, pooping, everything. Aubri? Totally different. Guess she just wanted to keep it interesting for us. Which we should have known based on her out-of-the-box behavior since the beginning.
So anyway. After trying every possible sleep-inducing strategy over several days, we were close to physical and mental meltdown. In fact, on Wednesday night, I laid exhausted in bed at 4:30am just crying. I. Was. Spent. And I felt so helpless for my poor little sleepless nugget.
But, Thursday, oooohhhhh sweet Thursday, was the night. We implemented a mixed bag of tricks as we did every night, put her in bed and prayed once again for her to pleeeeeeease sleep for more than two hours.
I woke up at 3am in a panic. Put my ear practically in her mouth listening for her breathing. Yep. She was breathing. She was so sound asleep that she was barely making a sound. And oh what a sweet lack-of-sound that was.
With hopes for a repeat performance on Friday night we did the same exact routine, swaddled her crazy arms in with her body like a little Auburrito (a strategy that we think was the key coma-inducer), we velcro’d her in that thing so tight we thought her head was going to pop off, we prayed the same exact prayer, kissed her toes in the same order, and combed her hair the same way.
And guess who slept for seven hours straight once again?
This girl.
“Weeeeell, hello Mommy!”
“Um, is somebody going to get me out of this straightjacket? Anyone? Bueller?”
“I’m free!”
“And ready to wiggle! Everybody dance with me!”
Thank you, Jesus, for sleep!
Now, off to perform the same exact routine… going for night number three!
I have so many pictures to post from various recent outings and definitely a lot to write about as far as what has been going on in my home and my heart here lately. But, first, I had to do a quick post to share one thing.
Today, we had our newborn photo session with my good friend, Katie Mathews. She worked with Aubri for three hours. Multiple costume changes, lots of soothing, several set changes and some very memorable messy moments as well. When a baby goes diaper-less, it makes for some really gorgeous photography. But, it also gets “sticky”. Aubri “decorated” lots of Katie’s props and also … her big sister’s bare back. (Giggle giggle).
Here’s a peek of Katie’s work from today.
Tomorrow marks one week since we’ve been home with Aubri. Finally. All Bradys under one roof!
Here’s how it all went down, and a short novel (sorry) about how life has been during our first week as a family of four.
As I mentioned in my last NICU post, the doctors announced to us that we’d be released on the following Wednesday (September 22). Well, that Friday, they surprised us with “we’re thinking Monday now.” I called Jimmy at work and delivered the early-release news. He quickly got off the phone to vomit. We scurried around and did all that we could to be ready for her arrival home.
We spent our Saturday celebrating Tay’s birthday, and, on Sunday, we went to see Aubri at the hospital only to get some disheartening news. She had lost a significant amount of weight the night before, and they would not be able to release her under those circumstances. I was bummed, but we both understood that she couldn’t go home until she was gaining weight and the doctor’s were comfortable. I asked the doctor, “so, there’s NO WAY she’ll come home tomorrow (Monday) now, right?” The doctor replied, “no, not unless she absolutely blows my socks off with an huge weight gain. It won’t happen. She’ll come home on Tuesday.” She scribbled out “Monday discharge” on her chart and wrote “Tuesday discharge” in its place. In pen.
So we hung our heads and headed home. We asked our friends and family to pray that Aubri gains weight so she can, indeed, come home on her new date … Tuesday. And that her weight loss wasn’t indicative of something serious.
On Monday morning I walked into Aubri’s NICU room and called her nurse. She came in and said “Aubri gained THREE OUNCES last night. That’s incredible. She’s going home today.” I responded with a loud, “SHUT UP” and a huge smile. Talk about answered prayers! I quickly called Jimmy to induce another vomit session.
We both ran around like happy chickens with their heads cut off; he wrapped up loose ends at the office and I met the steam cleaning man, picked up clothes for Aubri to wear home, and attempted to wrap my mind around what was happening. Definitely threw my controlling/agenda-requiring mind for a loop.
Jimmy and I met at home and headed to pick up Taylor from school to surprise her with a trip to the hospital. Not only was she going to meet her baby sister for the first time, but she was also going to learn that she was coming home.
I have to admit that I had been dreaming about this moment for years. Typically, when I dream about something that long, I develop this fantasy-like scenario in my head. Like when we told Taylor that Aubri had been born, I imagined that Taylor would jump up and down and hug us and yell “I want to see her! I love her already!” Instead, Taylor immediately bawled when we told her Aubri was born. All she heard come out of our mouth was “we named her Aubri.” Taylor was mad because she wanted to name her “Butterfly.” SO, as you can see, my imagined/desired responses are not typically what I get.
So, we arrived at the hospital and I headed in to get Aubri. Jimmy and Taylor waited in the lobby and Taylor was told that I was “picking something up.” And then I rounded the corner with the nurse, who had Aubri in her hands. This was Taylor’s reaction.
YES! That’s exactly the reaction I dreamed of. The rest was a little more realistic than what followed in my fantasy scenario. Taylor was excited, but reserved. Here’s the introduction on tape, plus some footage of our car ride home.
Before we headed home, we were able to capture a few moments in the lobby, courtesy of my good friend Katie Mathews.
And then life began. A family of four all under one roof. A long-desired dream come true. An answered prayer, to put it mildly.
The past week has been a learning experience for sure. Aubri went home on an apnea monitor — a big box that is attached via a long wire to her chest that counts her heartbeat and breaths per minute. The monitor will alarm if her heart rate drops too low or hits too high, or if she stops breathing for more than 20 seconds. The alarm, which we have been blessed to experience twice so far (not for medical reasons … instead for “operator error” (read: Mommy doesn’t know how to connect it correctly)) is LOUD. Loud like a smoke alarm on crack. Thank goodness we haven’t had any true medical “events” so far. We are grateful to have the peace of mind the machine offers, but it definitely stinks to have her still connected to wires. No quick baby pick-ups or easy snuggles. There’s always a machine to carry when moving more than three feet, and wires to be conscious of when walking or just hugging. Because Lord knows you don’t want to pull a wire loose … or you get the dreaded, eardrum bleeding “beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!”
Having a preemie at home is much different that having a “term baby.” Aside from the monitor, we have the fear of “overstimulation.” For the first few days, we were extremely fearful that even the tiniest sound would overwhelm Aubri. The nurses warned us that, for tiny babies, one loud voice could send their heart rate souring to dangerous levels. With a toddler and two horse-sized dogs in our home, loud noises are a constant. And that scared the snot out of us. As Aubri has shown that these loud noises don’t affect her as we thought they would, we have relaxed a bit. She is still sensitive and will startle every now and then when a door shuts or a toddler yells, but she’s much more tolerant than we anticipated. She’s a trooper. But we all knew that already.
Preemies sleep. A. lot. Thank you, Jesus. For the first several days, she would sleep for six hours, eat, and fall right back to sleep. She was awake for maybe 1 minute at a time, just five or six times a day. That meant we were only waking to feed her once or twice a night. What a blessing! As days have passed, she has shown that this six hour eating schedule will not be the norm. Some nights, we’ve been up several times to feed her. And others, like last night, only once. She has also showed us that, as days go by, she is capable of staying awake for longer periods of time. We get to see her big bright eyes for about ten minutes at a time, several times a day. She’s starting to “track” and really focus on/analyze the things around her. Making eye contact with her and watching her focus on my face, followed by furrowed/intrigued eyebrows, is one of my favorite things in the world. It’s right up there with her squirrel noises.
Another difference with preemies is their lack of “voice.” Their little lungs aren’t big enough to project as loud as most newborns. Instead of cries, we get squeaks. We’ve heard the most hilarious sounds come out of her adorable little lips. I just love it.
An obvious characteristic of preemies is their tiny size. We have very few preemie clothes because they are so hard to find. We have bought out all preemie clothes that we can find but, still, we run out very quickly. (I forgot how many loads of laundry tiny babies require). So, in a state of desperation when all of our preemie clothes were dirty, we had to dress Aubri in a 0-3 month sleeper. This night, we called her “Beetlejuice.”
Does she not look just like Beetlejuice when his head shrunk?
Whether it’s her hilarious chipmunky voice, her powerful toots and tiny tooshy, or her incredibly skinny yet adorable chicken legs, there are so many things about Aubri that I will want to remember forever. But, witnessing the love that Taylor has for her little sister is likely the most heartwarming thing in this whole experience.
She jumps at the opportunity to help (which we try to offer at every possible occasion) and she is already protective of her. She’s shields Aubri’s eyes from the camera flash when I take a picture (which is sweet, but places a big white hand right in the middle of my picture), and constantly tells us to “shhhhh” if we talk too loud. (When she’s too loud and we tell her to hush … well, that’s another story). And, of course, she wants to hold her as much as possible.
When she’s not begging to hold Aubri, she’s playing “Mommy” to her babydoll.
We’ve only had a few instances of sibling rivalry so far, and definitely our fair share of balancing time between the girls. Some moments are absolutely a struggle with Taylor — teaching her how to be gentle, keeping her behavior in check, and constantly requesting that she stop acting like a human wrecking ball. But, all things that, according to friends, are typical and will pass in time. I do, however, try to look past the sometimes-stressful behavior changes and appreciate all that we have been blessed. Because it is significant.
An adorable miracle baby. A beautiful and intelligent 4-year old. A marriage that has been through so much, and has become so strong because of it. And an unwavering relationship with God. All components of a strong, happy family that feels more complete than ever.
Thank you, Poppy, for what you taught us and where you brought us. Thank you, God, for this blessed life.
Welcome Aubri. We love you.
Just one day after Aubri’s one-month birthday, the doctors announced that all medications have been weaned and all tubes will stay out unless Aubri tells us that she needs otherwise. If Aubri sustains and/or improves over the next week, we will be going home! This was yesterday, so the countdown is on. SIX days left! I’m overwhelmed with excitement, fear, anxiety, gratitude, sadness to leave the nurses that have become our family, and happiness to start our life as a family of four. A dizzying combination. I still can’t believe that, after seven weeks in the hospital (two in Labor and Delivery, five in NICU), we might be going HOME! I was really getting comfy here. Well, kind of.
It’s been a little over a week since I last posted. Things have been getting more complex, busy, and slightly overwhelming. I keep hearing in my head, “my plate-eth runneth over-eth.” That’s the saying, right?
I think I’m running on fumes of pure adrenaline. Can you tell?
Ahem.
So, Taylor’s birthday planning is in full effect. Her party is scheduled for Saturday. Trying to plan a 4-year old’s birthday party in one week is extremely difficult. Add to that, me — a person that always tries to be creative and cheap (read: frugal). THIS is not the time for THAT, Hilary. I am trying to do too much that involves my brain, my hands, and my time. But, it’s getting done. And I hope with all of my heart that it turns out as cute as I imagine in my mind — and not a mess of silly ideas smooshed into one wanna-be princess party. Either way, the 4-year olds won’t care as long as there is cake and friends. Or so Jimmy says. I think I have those two things covered. I think.
We have the party, we have me working several hours a day from the hospital room/lobby and Jimmy working 50 hours a week, we have both of us attempting to be good parents to our toddler, we have calls to insurance and doctors that need to be returned, and we have, of course, the news that the tiniest new addition to our family will soon be residing under our very own roof. I can do this I can do this I can do this.
Now, let me get to the good stuff. Pictures and a new video of our sweet Aubri (who is tooting in her crib as I type this — even her gassy sounds are sweet).
Many think that we are on the brink of losing our minds. But, no worries. Amidst all the craziness, we still laugh. For example, at Daddy, as he shopped for party goods.
Taylor still acts silly. Like at the Fire Station as we were getting Aubri’s car seat installed.
What else gets us through this overwhelming time? Obviously, prayer. God. Eachother. Our friends’ love and our friends’ prayers. Our family feeding us and taking care of our bigger baby, Tay. Tackles and hugs from Tay as we walk in the door after a day at the hospital. Milkshakes and frostys after our bedtime routine with Aubri. And, of course, the sweet sweet cheeks and smiles we see from Aubri Lee.
And then there’s these looks that just make you laugh no matter how much anxiety weighs on your shoulders. Seriously. This girl sounds like a chipmunk and acts like a nut. I. Love. Her.
I just love this girl. Silly, sweet, and ohhhh-so-kissable. What an amazing gift from God.
And here is the promised video. More moments of snores, squeaks, silly expressions and lots of smiles. I think this is the happiest baby I have ever seen. Judging by the amount of smiles she hands out on a daily basis, you would never know she’s “sick.”
What a smile. What a story.
Filed under: Baby Butterfly
Three weeks old! Oh my goodness, where has the time gone?
During Aubri’s third week of life, she continued to shock and amaze the staff here in the NICU, as well as me and Jimmy and the rest of the world that has been following her progress. She graduated from her isolette to an open air bassinet, started practicing breastfeeding, gained a ton of weight (she’s now up to 4 pounds, 4 ounces), and provided her first projectile-poop-on-daddy experience. She has developed a reputation for being quite the talker — she takes after her big sister (not me) in this arena. Thankfully, her idea of talking is grunts and squeaks. She doesn’t have big enough lungs to wail … yet. In the meantime, she communicates through a simultaneous arm pump, leg kick, bright red color change, and a big verbal “eghhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
She’s achieved developmental milestones at a rate much faster than expected, and her health has earned high marks as well. She developed a small eye infection, which we are still treating, but, other than that, she’s been kicking preemie butt and taking names. The nurses even told me today to “start moving on the discharge checklist” because our little lady may be packing her tiny pink luggage in the next two to three weeks! WOW. Those words made me both scream “hallelujah” and want to vomit at the same time. I am SO excited to get our munchkin home but also have what I think is normal NICU mommy anxiety flooding through my veins — not having the monitors, 24/7 nursing staff, daily rounds from doctors, constant supervision of how to handle my baby, and the fear of introducing a whole lotta outside germs has me paralyzed.
OK, lunch, get back to where you belong. Out of my throat.
I will not get ahead of myself and will attempt to focus on — and be grateful for — today. We have at least two weeks left, and that’s if all goes perfectly.
Having said that, we continue to be so thankful for how well our sweet girl is doing. We adore the nursing staff and doctors here, and can see God working through their actions. We love our family for all that they are doing to help us with Taylor, keeping our house in order and our tummies full. We treasure our friends and find everyone’s prayers and outpouring of love to be absolutely positively priceless. And we couldn’t be more grateful to God for the daughter that He gave us. At just three weeks old, she’s already loved so much by so many. Thank you, God, for our sweet Aubri Lee. You are SO good.
Hello, world. My sweet nurse is letting me see life from a sitting position. It’s fascinating up here!
Isolette Graduation Day. Daddy is so proud.
And so is Nana.
Enjoying the fresh air. Snooze-style.
And for those of you that have been wondering what has happened to our first child, have no fear. Taylor has been loving life with her grandparents, and the other typical daily going-ons of a three-year old.
She has enjoyed pool fights.
Ready?
Ready!
Aim.
Fire!
We have a Nana down! I repeat, a Nana down!
I win!
She started preschool again, and not only loves the classroom experience but also being chauffeured to and fro, rock star-style.
She has been to many an “eat-place” and had her fair share of chicken nuggets.
“Mommy, did you steal my ketchup?”
And has been practicing her germ-minimizing techniques for when Aubri comes home.
So, yes, Taylor has been enjoying life, as you can see.
She can’t wait to have her little sister at home. And neither can we. Happy week three, Aubri Lee!
Yesterday, Aubri was interviewed by the local news for a piece on March of Dimes. The footage aired on the Friday 6pm and 11pm news as well as today’s morning news. I’m hoping to get a copy of the tape but, in the meantime, you can see a sweet picture of her on the news story webpage.
Because she has already been photographed and featured on television, we thought it would be appropriate to do some video training to prepare her for future notoriety. And so I brought my video camera to the hospital last night to capture some of her daily actions, and reactions to the world around her.
I am totally aware that only a select few will be entertained throughout the entire three minutes of baby watching. But so many people have spent hours on their knees for our little munchkin, so I want to share the beauty of answered prayer with sweet Aubri Lee “smiles, squeaks and sleepiness.”
Enjoy!
Filed under: Baby Butterfly
For those of you that are not on Facebook (shame on you), here are the results of Aubri’s first photo shoot. Katie Mathews, my wonderfully talented photographer friend that has a beautifully creative eye for maternity, newborn and family portraits, came to the NICU today to capture a little bit of Baby Butterfly’s home away from home. I hope you enjoy the photos as much as we enjoyed the experience!
Filed under: Baby Butterfly
Happy two weeks old to our baby girl! The week has been full of memories and learning moments.
I have learned that “Our God” by Chris Tomlin will be my anthem for Aubri’s time in the NICU (and perhaps her life).
I have learned that the $1 “free frosty for a year” key tag purchase at Wendy’s was the best investment I have ever made. Jimmy and I have visited the local Wendy’s every evening on our way home from the hospital for our free frosty. The “frosty man” knows us well. And I think he may be concerned about our sanity/health.
I have learned that, as hard as I try, Taylor will not go unaffected by this stage in our life. Please pray for my patience. And be thankful that we do not believe in spanking.
I have learned that people can tell I am lying when they ask if I am taking care of myself. My huge grin, glassy eyes, bed-headed pony tail, sweatpants, and enthusiastic head nod just screams “I am not sleeping” as hard as I try to deny it. I’m working on a more believable response … because that is more realistic than the chances of me getting any sleep.
In all seriousness, though, I have learned that, although I thought it was impossible, my faith continues to grow stronger. I am praying more, trusting more, and seeing the hope in every single day more. Some feel that our situation is impossible to survive mentally. But, with faith, it is not. God is so good. And He shows us that more and more with every single day, and every single Aubri smile.
As far as Aubri’s second week of life, a few major things are of note. We had our first “step sideways”, a more optimistic term than “step back” according to the doctor, with Aubri going back on the canula and a pause in feeding progression due to “a whooped baby girl” (yes, that is a technical term). Aubri just grew tired after all that she has been pushed to do in such a short time, and simply needed a breather. So the doctors put her back on a low-flo canula (helps her breath) and paused on increasing her feedings for a few days in order to give our girl a break.
After a short two-day “breather” for sweet Aubri, we took a step forward again yesterday with the re-removal of the canula and picking up where we left off with the feeding progression. She has been doing wonderfully since. In fact, she is now on full-feeds, eating an ounce every three hours (the maximum she can eat given her weight, which has been holding steady at 3 pounds 12 ounces). She lost her belly button yesterday and also started breastfeeding (way ahead of schedule!)
Aubri is doing everything the doctors want her to do. Praise God. All of the nurses adore her. They consider her their low-maintenance baby (we’ll see how long that lasts — if her big sister is any indication as to what’s to come, I think the nurses will be eating their words before her first birthday). The only trouble she causes them is constantly pulling her feeding tube out. Who wouldn’t make every attempt possible to pull a tube out of their nose? I know I would.
Not only is she ooh-ing and ahh-ing the staff here, she has stolen ours hearts as well. As expected. Sweet Aubri Lee has quickly shown us that our hearts are capable of loving more than we thought was possible. Despite input from other parents of two (or more), we thought we had reached our maximum love output with Taylor. But, we were wrong. We just melt when we see Aubri. Her smile warms my soul, her eyebrows speak volumes and prove she’s mine, her spastic stretching of all limbs at once makes me giggle, her new-found discovery of her lungs — making a high-pitch kitten squeal when she’s frustrated — makes me smile, and the thought of the story she will have to tell when she is older makes me proud to know and love the God that gave her life — the God that will be glorified in her amazing story.
Here’s a few pictures from her second week of life.
8 days old, in deep thought.
Blurry smile!
One of those spastic all-limbs-moving-at-once moments in PJs that are far too big.
9 days old
10 days old, auditioning for the role of Mini Me
11 days old
12 days old, kangarooing with Mommy
13 days old
Filed under: Baby Butterfly
The dream-like state did not end for about a day after delivery … well, I’m not sure it has even ended as of now.
After all post-labor medications were administered and I was able to stand without falling over, they wheeled me back to my old room in Antepartum/High Risk to recover. Jimmy sat on the couch and I sat on the bed. We were a mix of excited, shocked emotions. We both had our glasses on, hair disheveled, with smiles smeared ear to ear — we looked like a silly truck had run over us. For some reason, fear was minimal. It was if we had a full-term baby on our hands.
The immediate order of business was to name our sweet girl. We had talked briefly about it as I lay on the L&D table after she was born but didn’t come to any conclusions. The nurses said to take our time with a name — that we didn’t need to know immediately. But we wanted to. At the time, we had a list of about ten names that we liked — several of those on the list were ones that we had come up with during our time in the hospital. Two names were top runners throughout my pregnancy, but neither seemed to fit her. So, we went with a name that we had just added to the list of possibilities two nights prior. Aubri. Bri for short.
Lee is her middle name after my grandpa, Robert Lee Hallam. We knew that Lee was going to be incorporated in her name in some way — my grandfather is my world. He means everything to me. He is a compassionate, funny, youthful, and amazingly faithful man. And I wanted my daughter to bear his name. We also wanted to incorporate a word that described our journey in bringing her to the world — a journey that taught us about our faith, God’s goodness, and what it means to fully rely on Him. As it turns out, I discovered that Lee, in Hebrew, means Grace. And so we knew that it was a perfect fit. Aubri Lee. A gracious gift from God and a constant reminder of my wonderful grandfather.
So, we had a name. And, in the time that it took us to get that nailed down, I felt “recovered” enough to get off the bed and into a wheelchair — to go see sweet girl in NICU. Jimmy had already been down to her room, but I hadn’t seen her since that split second we shared on my chest about two hours earlier.
Again, another moment that I don’t remember clearly. I remember being wheeled down the hall and into the elevator, down the hall and into the NICU scrub area. I remember scrubbing up to the elbows for the required three minutes while scanning the many scrapbook pages posted on the bulletin board describing stories of babies that were treated in this NICU. I remember wheeling down to her room, the long walkway with pictures of tiny tiny babies covering the walls; feelings of tension, fear, sadness, and the unknown filling the air. I don’t remember the exact emotions I had when I saw her for the first time. I think, again, God was protecting my heart. Because I didn’t panic when I saw her with tubes and wires and breathing masks on. Or at least I don’t remember panicking. I just remember my heart welling up with love.
As I write this, Aubri is 10 days old. Every day leading up to this point has been a rollercoaster. The most intense rollercoaster I have ever been on. I’m getting adjusted to the constant hum of machines, beeps of monitors, and chimes of medications as they complete infusion. I’ve learned to scrub to my elbows every time I leave her room, and then to double up on Purell before touching her. I’ve learned an entire new language of NICU terminology and about how the tiny body develops over time. I’ve learned to diaper a tiny baby, maneuvering wires and cords and IVs. I’ve learned to give a sponge bath to a preemie, and how stinkin’ cute her hair looks with a bow stuck to her fuzzy head. I’ve learned how very special “kangaroo time” is for both baby and Mommy/Daddy, and how calming it is to have a tiny naked baby sleep on your bare chest for hours. I’ve learned that the sound of a three-pound baby’s sneeze is the most adorable noise in the world. And that, when they hiccup, they sound like they ate a squeaker from a dog toy. But most importantly, I have learned about the power of prayer.
I never want to forget how clearly God has worked in Aubri’s life during this time. So, here is a quick outline of my prayer requests over her first week of life, and how they were answered.
On day 1, I asked for the following: “Please pray that God cradles our baby in His hands at all times and that He guides the doctors and nurses each and every move.” Prayer was answered. Aubri has been the most peaceful baby I have ever seen. She only cries when she’s getting stuck with an IV (as do I) and simply grunts when you mess with her too much. She is truly being held by God each and every day. You can see it in her contentment, her sweet eyes, and her sarcastic eyebrows. The nurses and doctors have been angels. Every single one treats Aubri as if she were their own and has made great calls as far as her treatment plan. They are obviously being directed by the One above.
On day 2, “Sitting with sweet Aubri now. Watching every breath, every squirm, every monitor. She’s still stable, but her digestive system is “sluggish.” All else is “status quo.” Please continue to pray that God gives her superhuman strength to fight, fills her soul with the peace of the Holy Spirit, and gives her knowledge of the love that He and her family hold for her.” Prayers answered. Aubri’s belly slowly progressed to tolerate food for the first time. And, the nurses told us that she already knew our voices. She looks at me when I enter the room, smiles at Jimmy all of the time, and reaches her hands out when I say goodbye. God clearly gave her the knowledge that her Mommy and Daddy love her more than she will ever know, at an age that I didn’t think that knowledge was even possible. I mean, really. Her brain is still developing. Only God can provide that knowledge to a baby at this age.
Aubri’s first feeding.
Kangaroo time.
On day 3, “Watching my purple sunglasses-wearing baby girl get a tan under the Bili Light, squirming her toes and hiccuping. Such a sweet sight. Morning report came back “improved” regarding her tummy — thinking about starting feeding again soon depending on this afternoon’s x-ray results. Please pray that she can soon get the benefits of milk instead of IV. And also that all continues to progress smoothly.” Prayer answered. Aubri’s feeding resumed and she seemed to tolerate it well. The IV was turned down and the nutrient-rich milk was turned up.
On day 4, “PLEASE PRAY: docs just took Aubri to Radiology for an Upper GI in order to rule out a serious condition that could be affecting her digestion. PLEASE PRAY that the tests come back showing that Aubri’s belly is cleared of any serious conditions, and that she copes well with the transport through the hospital. It’s so hard to see your baby wheeled away, and off into a scary situation.”
30 minutes later, a HUGE prayer answered, “PRAISE GOD!!!! Aubri has been cleared of the digestive condition, giving the docs assurance that her tummy is just learning how to work. She is now “rooting,” which means her brain is starting to talk to her tummy. AND, her Bili levels are down, so she’s off the light and without sunglasses. She’s bright-eyed and awake for the first time since birth! SO MANY prayers answered in such little time.”
Day 6, “God is so good. Aubri’s oxygen mask is off completely and she’s doing great. Her tummy kicked into gear on Saturday and she hasn’t stopped eating since. It’ll just be a about 5 weeks until she can be weened from the feeding tube. Prayers requested for continued eating progress, weight gain, and overall strength that only He can provide. Praise God for answered prayers!” Again, prayers answered! Docs were able to increase her feedings at an amazing pace, all tolerated wonderfully by her seemingly-new belly. She gained weight for the first time since birth — a HUGE plus.
And day 7, “Aubri is celebrating her 1-week birthday with more good news! She’s tolerating her feedings so well that, if progress continues, she may lose her IV in the next 48 hours! One less tube would make us all SO happy. She’s also sporting her first pair of PJs, as she begins the transition to maintaining her own body temp. God is so amazingly great!” Prayers answered. Aubri got rid of her IV just 24 hours later, her feedings continued to increase, and she maintained her temperature wonderfully. She even got a spa day and a pink bow to celebrate the progress.
I just love how clearly God was moving in our world through answered prayers, and feelings of peace. It was exactly what I needed to comfort me in a situation that could otherwise seem impossible to tolerate. We all needed assurance that God was going to be there with us every step of the way.
Now. I sit here, on day 10, enduring her first “not-so-great” day. I’ve heard from many former-NICU mommies and the nursing staff that life in the NICU is a few steps forward, a few steps back. Some days are great, some days are steady and some days bring you back a few notches. But, in the midst of my fear today, I’m looking back at the first week of her life and am comforted by how faithful God has been to our family. Aubri has been amazing so far. And she’s just a little tired, which is showing in her oxygen levels and feeding tolerance. So, the doctors are slowing down for a while to let her recover and grow a bit.
Jimmy and I are beyond exhausted, which opens the door for satan to enter — to sneak in a good dose of fear into our hearts. But, I choose not to be fearful. Some moments are scary, yes. But I will be strong because I have faith that He will not give us anything that we can not handle. We can do this. And Aubri can too. I believe that He gave us a fighter, and I will rest in His goodness.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
God, I thank you for my beautiful girl, Aubri Lee. For what she has taught me about Your goodness, and your grace. I pray that she continues to fight with the supernatural strength that You have provided, and that she pulls through this struggle as an amazing woman that radiates Your love all of her long life. I trust in You, God, to heal my sweet baby girl. And to use her story of survival and strength for your glory. Amen.
Peanut and Poppy 