Filed under: A Day in the Life
I can’t help myself. This camera just makes me so happy.
Tay and I went to the park to walk, then play, with a bunch of our friends. And of course, the camera tagged along.
Aren’t Tay’s friends beautiful?
And, then, we have the Tay.
Filed under: Videos
If you have known Taylor for any amount of time, you are aware that the child is a bundle of energy, silliness, and personality, as well as many fascinations and talents. The child has got several passions, as well as some major pep in her step. She keeps us busy, and laughing all along the way.
The other day, the local Aquarium was free for Veteran’s Day. Seeing as though Taylor (and her Daddy) are fascinated with all things fish-related, and the fact that we are always looking for ways for Taylor to release some of that adorable energy, we jumped on the opportunity to go.
Daddy and T listen to the newborn stingrays — Taylor thought they were talking to her.
Tickle tickle
And when we can’t keep her busy with field trips, she finds ways to entertain herself. After the Aquarium, Taylor was in one of her typical spunky moods. Which I captured on camera just so I could remember this silly 3 year old forever and ever. It’s a long video — about 6 minutes. But it was the least I could do to adequately showcase the insane amount of energy — and many talents of — the Tayster.
Filed under: Notable and Quotable
This is the goofy child that lives in my home.
And, yes, that is the tread that you stick to the bottom of bathtubs. Or on your forehead.
If it wasn’t immediately obvious, that picture was taken with a new camera. My last photo outing to Taylor’s dance class with my point-and-shoot officially sent me over the edge. The quality is killing me. My little camera can not handle the activity level of my little toddler — I point, and it shoots…but not until after Taylor has left the room and aged 4 years. So, I am considering getting a big girl camera. And my dear pro photographer friend let me take her fancy camera for a test drive. I think I am in love. Santa, can you hear me? Love.
She’s so much cuter now that she’s in focus.
So Taylor takes after her Mommy — she likes all things dance. When she’s not watching and dancing along with So You Think You Can Dance, she’s pulling out her radio for an impromptu dance party in the living room. So, for her birthday, Nana and Grandpa got her dance classes. Complete with leotards, tights, tutus and dance shoes.
Who doesn’t love a toddler in a tutu?
So, as of last week, she is enrolled in tap/ballet/tumble class at our local dance academy. She loves it. And I love it too. Adorableness.
The lighting is horrible for my little point and shoot camera, but these two shots were just too cute not to post. Try to look past the blurriness and horrible color balance and just look at the sweetness in spandex.
And what’s a post about Taylor and dance without a video? Here’s our little dancer in training:
POST UPDATED with birthday pictures from one of the most talented photographers to ever walk the earth.
I am alive. So sorry about the neglect, my dear blog. We have had quite the crazy few weeks here, which has limited my time to breathe, let alone blog. Two major holidays, family in town, a husband nearing the end of a looooong college career, and triple coupons make for one busy Momma. Between the madness, I have logged over 300 pictures. And I just have to get a few onto this blog. Because before I know it, Christmas will be here. Taylor is already requesting its arrival.
So life has been crazy. We had our first Halloween where Taylor actually wanted to dress up. With that being said, we went to all 3 nights of festivals around town. The first night, we headed to UNCW, my old stompin’ grounds. Although we only made it approximately 4 minutes — just long enough to smuggle one green sucker — it was really neat to be back on campus. This time, laughing with my daughter, instead of stressing over exams or which pair of sparkly pants I should wear out that night.
Our “purple princess”, waiting for her prince. Who hopefully is a looooong way away.
Aside from the UNCW festival, we also hit up our neighborhood Trunk-or-Treat, as well as the town’s Trunk-or-Treat. We managed to make Halloween a 5-day event this year. Which made Taylor very happy.
After Halloween came Taylor’s birthday. Another holiday that we managed to stretch out for multiple days. The celebrations started with a school party on Thursday. We then welcomed Nana and Grandpa to town, followed by her real birthday on Friday complete with cake and presents. On Saturday, we had her birthday party and a celebratory dinner, with Sunday being the opening of the presents that were gifted to her on Saturday. Shew. I thought she was birthday’d out. But on the way to school today, she said “Mommy, I’m ready to have another birthday.” Ay yi yi. Mommy needs time to recover. And to run off the pounds of ice cream cake she consumed in celebrating your birthday, my dear Taylor.
Her birthday party was great. We had all of her friends come to the local gymnastics center, where they played their little hearts out on the trampoline, in the high-flying swing, bouncy houses and foam pit, on the bars and slides, and with the hula hoops and seesaws. We re-created what I did when I was growing up. Down to the leotard and braids, Taylor re-lived my favorite birthday party from my childhood. It was really cool to see my little gymnast’s round belly smooshed into that leotard, and her “angel braids” sway as she bounced across the gym. A mini-Mommy, minus the 1980’s leg warmers (which I attempted to put on her, but was denied).
What was also cool was watching all of her friends (and my friends) play in one place. Here’s about half of the crew.
And here’s a few shots that the talented Katie was able to capture of the birthday girl enjoying her party.
The best part? After the party, we had lots of very tired tots. Including one pooped party princess.
From dance classes and dance gear to puzzles and pajamas, Taylor never stopped smiling and gasping as she opened her gifts. “Mooooooommmmmmy, ooooooh my goooodness!” was what we heard with every gift opened. It’s so much fun when they really “get” it, which she definitely did this year. The looks on her face were priceless.
She got lots of “role play” gifts, which have not been put down since. She thoroughly enjoyed playing “doctor” and “beautician” with Nana and Grandpa. We have a full-service facility in our living room — Urgent Care and Great Clips under one roof.
Taylor catches Daddy playing with her curlers, “what I tell you Daddy about playing with my toys? Put that down.” Her words exactly.
Princess figures and tinkerbell pajamas, dress up clothes and tutus, hair accessory kits and princess games, baby doll nursery items and… everything you could imagine that just oozes “little girl”. When I was pregnant with Taylor, I swore she would never wear pastels and never EVER own anything with flowers or frills. And now I ooooh and ahhhh just as much as she does at every pair of pink dress-up heels and bedazzled gloves. Although it was Taylor’s birthday, it was Mommy that received the greatest gift — a reminder of God’s amazing love — as I watched my little pastel princess twirl, giggle, and play. I thank Him every day for the little face, and big miracle, that I fell in love with 3 years ago.
Filed under: FaithFULL
OK, so the church has posted the video of Sunday’s service online here. It is not the service that I participated in, so you will not see my smiling/sobbing face. BUT, you still need to watch the video. Towards the end, when there is about 15 minutes left, the cardboard stories take place. This is what Jimmy and I participated in during our service.
Ya’ll.
I can not even begin to explain the magnitude of power that I felt on Sunday in that church.
The moments leading up to our public testimony were brutal. A war was being waged. It was SO ridiculously clear that satan was doing everything in his power to break us before we broke him. Taylor was having an extremely hard morning. Tantrums all the way to church left our nerves frazzled. As we walked into the church and saw the hallways fill with people, fear of what others would think of us seeped into our brains. Finally, we headed back stage and waited in line with our fellow brothers and sisters that were there to also share their testimony. Nerves kicked in, making my heart race and my palms sweat. “What if this” and “what if that” and “maybe we shouldn’t” ran through my brain. And then the stagehand nudged Jimmy and I onto stage for our cardboard moment. No turning back now.
This is the darkness that once held us hostage.
Flip.
And, THIS, is what God has done with our lives.
Exit stage.
The war ended as soon as our cardboard flipped. That was it. God’s victory over satan was displayed for thousands of people to see. I felt the battle come to an abrupt halt, and a smile creep over my once frightened frown as we enthusiastically shook our boards for everyone to see.
As we stood at the bottom of the stage and watched the others shut satan down and raise God up, it hit me. All of the emotions that were once silenced by guilt flooded through my heart and out my eyes in crashing waves. I can not even describe the intensity of the cry that came out of my lungs. It was a sob. A relieving, freeing sob. It was over. All of the guilt and embarrassment that I have carried as baggage over the past several years were gone. My heart was healed. I was alive.
A smiling Jimmy looked to me and whispered, “are you OK?”
To which I could finally, honestly respond with a “yes. I am good.”
Filed under: Videos
OK, so like I mentioned, this morning was the 10th anniversary service for our church. And I’m not even going to get into it now because I will be here all night attempting to find words that adequately match the power of the day. But it’s time for my birthday cookie, so I can’t start thinking or sobbing now. Not even happy sobbing is allowed during cookie time.
The video of the service should be posted Tuesday-ish, so I’ll get it on here as soon as I see it go live. Until then, I just have to share this clip that the church’s amazingly talented and hilarious production team created for today’s celebration. Click. Enjoy. And see why I. Love. My. Church.
Filed under: Uncategorized
The three of us went out to dinner the other night (but only because it was free — we only go out to eat these days when it’s heavily discounted…i.e. $0). We, of course, ordered the biggest, baddest chocolate dessert on the menu. And, dare I say, it was the best chocolate dessert I have ever had. That’s a serious statement from this choco critic. We polished that thing off. All 90 layers and 10″ of it. And I believe it’s safe to say that Tay ate, and thoroughly enjoyed, her fare share. Watch below.
OK, so I think this is really cool. And, yes, before I get into it, I realize that not everyone looks at situations as I do. I realize that I get funny looks from some people when I talk about the things that are happening in my life and how I interpret these things to be God-driven. I’m OK with that. Well, most of the time. Should I be? Anyway, I digress.
So, my church — my church that I adore — is turning 10 this Sunday. And you know who else is hitting a milestone this Sunday? Yours truly. This achy breaky body is turning 30. I’ve ignored my birthday, pretending that we’ll go from October 24th to October 26th in the blink of an eye. Instead, focusing all of my emotional and physical attention on the fact that my baby is turning 3 just a week later. It’s been a great avoidance technique.
And then a friend of mine gave me a new perspective on my birthday. She said that it’s the beginning of a new decade. A new decade. A new. Start. Huh? I know. It doesn’t make sense unless you are in my head, or have been by my side non-stop over the past 10 years.
A lot of people know “my story” to be one with the loss of a baby at the core. The loss of a baby that started, and defines, my walk with God. Which is not 100% so.
What my story here addresses is the reason behind my blog. For the people that are new to my life in the past two years, that’s all they know — the part where I discovered my faith right when we lost of our first pregnancy. What this version of my story doesn’t address is what led me to that point. When we lost Poppy, why was I positioned to accept God into my heart? Why was it something that I wanted and not something that I fought?
Because I had spent the previous four years searching for relief. Relief from the pain that I held in connection with the life that I led several years before that. No amount of time or saying that I was over it could make that guilt go away. But promises of love and forgiveness from something higher most certainly could. I had faith that He was who He said He was. For whatever unexplainable reason, I just had faith. And that’s why I welcomed Him with open arms when He appeared to me right before Poppy’s death. Finally, something to love me despite my shortcomings, and take away the sting of death.
Although I finally believe that I am forgiven and no longer carry the guilt of my “previous life”, I’ve continued to keep it hidden in darkness over the past few years. A lot of people know this “secret” because they were a part of my life in some capacity during that season. But when that season was over, I packed up the memories like last year’s clothes and hid them under my bed in a large tupperware container, never to be looked at again. But, my birthday. My birthday that pushes me into the next, new decade of my life, is offering me an opportunity to dig out that box and let those issues come to light. To allow God an opportunity to stop my desire to hide the parts of my life that I have seen as devastating and dark for the past several years.
So, I get an email from my church. An email that asks me to be a part of their 10th anniversary sermon. Without spoiling the program for everyone on Sunday, I’ll just say that the church is offering me an opportunity to publicly unveil this past of mine that has been hidden and collecting dust for so long. Woah. What? Unveil my secret to one person is daunting enough — but to 6,000+? Yikers. So, I bounced back and forth — should I simply stay comfortable and talk about our past two years with the baby and losses? Or do I accept this challenge and jump in with both feet? After much conversation with friends, lots of talking with Jimmy, and hours in personal thought, I chose the path of most resistance. Bringing my dark to light.
And since I made the decision to take this opportunity to attack that dark past head-on, I have been moved in so many ways. I am elated beyond words (rare, I know) about Sunday. I’m still ignoring the fact that I will be leaving my 20s behind and entering the wonderful world of backs that crack when doing somersaults, ankles that snap when they are run on too frequently, and knee skin that sags even when flexed. But I am embracing this birthday as an opportunity to heal an area that has been so sensitive to me for nearly 10 years. To accept His invitation and come out of the darkness. To start a new decade as the 100% exposed, skeleton-free Hilary.
So not only do I think it’s extremely cool that my church is entering a new decade the exact same day as me, and the fact that they are offering me a chance to do something that I have desperately needed for so long, I think it’s amazing that God used my run today to, yet again, encourage me to take this extremely frightening step. Once again, on the cool down lap of my run this morning, a song came on that gave me chill bumps. All. Over. My. Body.
I once was fatherless,
a stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep
Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take your life.
Sin has lost it’s power,
death has lost it’s sting.
From the grave you’ve risen
VICTORIOUSLY!
Into marvelous light I’m running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way
My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I’m free. now I’m free!
Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that i have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light
Lift my hands and spin
See the light within…
I’ll post the video of Sunday’s service early next week when it’s available. And let me just say that I realize, to some, my “secret” is insignificant. Silly to a few, and serious to others. But, sin is sin. Whatever you think of my particular darkness, or if you think of it at all, is not the point. I need it out from under my bed for me. For my relationship with Him. For my healing. And, maybe (hopefully) to help others bring their own darkness out, enjoying the marvelous light for themselves. I cannot wait to take Satan’s power away so that he has nothing left to dangle over my heart. Goodbye, guilt. Hello, forgiveness. Now I’m free. Now. I’m. Free.
“When your faith endures many conflicts and your spirit sinks low, do not condemn yourself. There is a reason for your season of heaviness. Great soldiers are not made without war. Skillful sailors are not trained on the shore. It appears that if you are to become a great believer you will be greatly tested. If you are to be a great helper to others, you must pass through their trials. The uncut diamond has little brilliance, the unthreshed corn feeds no one, and the untried believer is of little use or beauty. There are great benefits to come from your trials and depression.
From all your afflictions His glory shall spring,
And the deeper your sorrows the louder you’ll sing.”
– Charles Spurgeon
